Leaving My Childhood Best Friends For New York City. It Feels Wrong.
I finally cried at around 10:35 tonight after dropping Kelly off at her parents for one of the last times before I make my big move to New York City. I finally realized what it means to be leaving the person who has served as my childhood best friend for 10+ years in order to live a dream. I finally felt the feeling that millions of people have felt. I want to put it into one word: Leaving your best friend feels wrong. It just feels wrong. Getting up and leaving your perfect life for something that could potentially turn out to be some of the worst years of my life feels exactly incorrect. It feels like I am doing exactly what I should not be doing.
There is a song by Michael Buble called “Home,” and it has always been one of my favorite songs. I love so much about the song. I love that in the song he is living his dream life, he is doing exactly what he wanted, but there is something missing. That something is “home.” There really is nothing like home, especially for someone like me who lived in the same town until I was 18, then moved only 45 minutes away. I know that in my heart, the thing I have always loved about Michael Buble’s song is that I wanted that life.
I have always dreamed of being this huge hot shot with everything I ever wanted. And I know there is a piece of me that has always known that there is nothing that could ever replace the entire notion of “home.”
Home means many things to me. It is a place, an idea. But mostly, home is the people who have seen me grow. Home is the people who knew me when I was 14 years old with a bowl cut. It’s the people who knew me when I wasn’t who I am today, and who have seen that transformation happen. Home is the people who accept and celebrate the journey we have all gone through to get here, and it is the people who know what it took.
I will always make new friends. There will always be new people in my life. I have loved the people that have come into my life in the past five years. But nothing can replace the people who have been in my life all this time. Nothing can replace home.
For the past year or so, I have been parading around with my announcement that I am moving. During this time, I have made plans and talked them up. I have bragged, dreamed, and loved talking about my move.
But I always knew there would be one moment where it hits me. I have known that there would be something that would happen that would make me realize how large this move is. How monumental this change will be in the story of my life, looking back.
That moment was tonight, when I realized that home is more than a place, and more than an idea. The moment I realized what I am doing was the moment that I realized that home was the people who grew up along with me. This is what will be hard on me. This is what I am giving up. This is what I will miss.
Thank you to all who have been there through any part of my life. To anyone who has helped me grow, who has given me confidence to be me, and who has encouraged me to move on, move up, and live dreams that were only thoughts a couple of years ago. The people in my life are who have gotten me here, and I cannot forget that.
I am moving to New York in 7 days, START THE COUNTDOWN!!!!!!!!
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