Introducing Ben

Summary of Me

I’m a Manhattan blogger and aspiring millionaire. I take my role as a millennial very seriously. Chrissy Teigen is living my dream life, and everyone needs to please stop inviting me to play candy crush. I recently started exercising and eating right because I can’t imagine this world without me. I wouldn’t be where I am today without Michael Scott or Miranda Priestly, and I’ll never forget that.There’s something fundamentally different about me and people who “don’t watch TV.” I have a blog, a book, and a Self-Care Sunday routine that won’t quit. I think it’s important to use my platform as a universally respected millennial to make change.

My Past

Bay Area born, raised, and educated. 10 year old me was obsessed with lemonade stands and going to the circus. I was a competitive gymnast who never won 1st place, and I quit soccer because I got too many bloody noses. I was diagnosed bipolar at 11 years old and had a hard time learning to handle that. In 8th grade, I went to a Green Day concert and decided I wanted to be a rockstar so I saved up for a guitar and learned how to play it. I became the high school student body president and started a web-show when I was 17. It was great. I was so good at high school that people thought I was peaking, and then it only went up from there. I went off to college where I started, a site where I made and sold wallets out of poker cards and candy wrappers. I stopped when I was selling too many because it started to feel like a sweatshop. My San Francisco education was focused on diversity and social justice, and a new piece of me rose to the surface. I graduated with a new understanding of the world, and a dream to move to New York City.

My Present

I did move to New York, and I’m really, really happy. I live in a fifth-floor manhattan walk-up, and I walk to work every day. I have a job that I love and I am building a life that I’m obsessed with. I go to housewarming and birthday parties all the time, and I take myself out to the dinner and a movie once or twice a month. I love that nobody knows me as I walk down the street. I like building the mid-twenties life that 10-year-old Ben always dreamed of. Seriously– I love being an adult more than any other thing. New York makes me believe I can be whatever I try to be. New York makes me take a step back and think. And I love that. The people I have met challenge me, they expect a lot of me, and they don’t give two shits that I’m gay. I’m at a point in my life where I can afford to buy cage-free brown eggs, and I feel awesome about that. My Starbucks order is a venti skinny vanilla latte with no foam, and if you’re taking my picture, I look better with the flash. I don’t care what you think.

My Future

Look– I just want to have an insta-famous yellow lab and a penthouse loft apartment where I can have New Year’s parties every year. These are my only goals, and I understand that there’s a lot that’s going to have to happen by the time I’m 35 (my success cut-off age). First, I need to make literal bank. I’m not talking about a sensible and responsible amount of money. I need to blow tf up. I can feel it now. Something is going to happen that pumps money every day into my bank accounts. Do I know exactly what that is? No. But do I believe that my good looks will get me there? Also no. I recently learned that rolling up my sleeves and getting shit done is the only way I’m going to make it big. And so I’m just going to do that.

Aside from me bathing in $100 dollar bills, I want to influence my peers and help people learn the importance of treating people right, focusing on progress, and working together as a united group citizens to make the world a better, more conscious, and positive place.

But Don’t Take My Word For It

Celebrity Endorsement of Me.

Written by Kelly Moran (my BFF)
Follow her @kellyjmoran

We may not know each other on a personal level, but if you’ve made the decision to read this blog then I can assume you’re a rather sensible reader with impeccable taste and a thirst for adventure. I hope these traits will help you to forgive me for the much-needed reality check I’m here to deliver. As you delve into the mind of Benjamin Hawes, the greatest twenty-something to date, you will be struck with more inspiration and hope than you have ever thought possible. In a moment of overwhelming vigor, you will find yourself thinking, “Wow, I’m ready to make my dreams come true! If Ben can do it, I can do it!”

This is a grave and common misunderstanding. The fact that Ben can take the bull by the horns and be the master of his own destiny does not at all mean that you are capable of the same feat. I’m not trying to be cruel here because it really isn’t your fault. As you will learn on this site, Ben lacks most of the inhibitions that naturally afflict the general population. He was born with what scientists will one day refer to as the “why the hell not?” gene and without the “let’s be realistic” gene. Simply put: it’s not you, it’s him.

Don’t be discouraged! Ben’s perspectives and anecdotes will absolutely help you reach your fullest potential, which is only slightly less than his fullest potential. We can’t all be winners, but that doesn’t mean you should give up trying for second or third place. Ben has it all – money, fame, power, an ass that won’t quit – and with his help you can have at least a couple of those things, too!

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